btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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