Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
