haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
