I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
