Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
