you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
