Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
