My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
