Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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