Whod you bang
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
