If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
