Duck Duck Cougar?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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