i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
