capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
