don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
