i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
