Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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