47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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