Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize