Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
