so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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