Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
