Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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