Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
