So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
