haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
