Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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