The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
