; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
