Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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