So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
