I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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