I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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