Im at strip club and am horny
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
