My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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