Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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