I love black thongs
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
