I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
