last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
