OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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