I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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