Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
