We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
