you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
