so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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