I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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