thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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