she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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