This house was built for laser tag.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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