And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
