I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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