We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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