You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
