I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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