i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
