I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
