i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
