Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
