OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
