If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Of course I have a pirate flag
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
