We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize