i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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