i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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