hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
