well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
