Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
