i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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