I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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