the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
