So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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