i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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