I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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