the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
