Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
