Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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