Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?

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(417): View more from Missouri

I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

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(804): View more from Virginia

he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

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(330): View more from Ohio

what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I have no recollection of sleep choking you

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(623): View more from Arizona

He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...

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(330): View more from Ohio

Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working

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