Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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