I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His nipple licking is glorious
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