Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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